Talk to me Tuesday

Here we are...  the day I'm most nervous about.  The one where I need YOU, dear reader, who doesn't usually comment to do so or else it's just me answering my own question and really??  How is that fun?   The questions won't always be serious and will more often than not probably be more fun or silly...  but I have something weighing on my mind.  

In less than a month I will be celebrating my 5 year wedding anniversary to my wonderful husband.  We got engaged after being together for 10 months and we got married a blazingly fast 20 MONTHS later.  Yeah, sense the sarcasm.  What this means is that those closest to us who knew moments after we got engaged that there would be an impending wedding had almost TWO YEARS to prepare for said wedding.   Most guests don't need that long.  You get your invite a month ahead of time, you send back your RSVP and you either go or you don't. 

For some people who live 3 hours away and are of limited means, it takes a bit more planning.  You're talking an overnight trip.  Granted, it's an overnight trip to your ONLY NIECE'S wedding, but an overnight trip nonetheless.  Now the neice in question (that would be me) thinks you are the bee's knees.  Always has.  You were awesome, spunky, a free spirit and your niece effing ADORED you. 

So 132 miles one way and a night in a hotel.  We're talking maybe $150...  total.  Food, booze, good times...  free of charge.  So we're talking about putting aside less than $2 per week for the duration of the engagement to come witness your biggest fan and, did I say this?, ONLY NIECE get married and then the RSVP card was sent back "Will Not be Attending" and your niece...  not to mention her mother, your ONLY SISTER, was crushed. 

Ok, enough of that speaking directly to my aunt stuff.  I was crushed.  Heartbroken.  And hurt beyond belief.  It is 5 years later and I should SO be over it.  But I'm not.  I just want to know WHY.  I want to ask and I want there to be a GOOD VALID REASON why she couldn't be there.  Why she couldn't attend.  Because I don't understand, I will never understand.  And until I am un-chicken shit enough to actually ask her and find out why...  I'll never be able to let it go.  

So that's the question for today.   Are you holding on to something you should let go?  You don't have to say what it is if it's too personal and it's just now dawning on me the stupidity behind asking a Yes/No question for Talk to me Tuesday, but what's done is done.  More than a yes or no would be nice.  :)   

Hamlet's Mistress


Spot said...

I sat here and thought and thought. I don't think I'm holding on to anything. I try very hard not to do so. I think probably the thing I do more is hold on to the hurts I gave to other people. You know what I mean? Like my senior year of high school, I wanted this one new guy (who was kind of dorky) to ask me to homecoming and then he did and I decided I didn't want to go with him so I told him I'd think about it. And then my friend Brian asked me to go with him right in front of the other guy and I said yes. Man, I still feel bad about that. And the dorky guy? Yeah, he probably doesn't even remember me.

I understand your situation though. I would totally want to know. And she owes you an explanation. A good one.


Txtingmrdarcy said...

I agree with Spot. Just let your aunt know that there's something that's bothering you and you feel unable to move forward without talking about it. It sucks and there may be drama and tears, but it will give you closure. Which is sooooo much better.

I think everyone by this point is holding onto things. I can go from peaceful to blinding rage if my biological father (who i finally had the balls to mention on my blog) is brought up. But though I give you advice to seek closure, my situation is just that I want to be left alone, and to break my silence after years will have proved him right that provoking me would cause a response.

hamletsmistress said...

Spot - This is so true. I think often of things I've said or done to hurt people. Mostly to my mom during my teenaged angsty years which she and I have both put behind us a long time ago, but I still think of them from time to time and just feel so ashamed.

TMD - I was surprised when I read about your bio-father on your blog. Kind of like "Wha-??? Who??? Wait, huh??" But I'm glad you shared.

I don't know that I'll ever have the metaphorical balls to woman up and confront my aunt. Maybe someday.

I could have written a whole post about my sister-in-law as well... but that's for another day.

I have grudge issues... apparently...


Txtingmrdarcy said...

Let's add Army Boy's uncle to the list... We thought that having him perform our wedding ceremony would be meaningful and keep our day family-oriented. He acted like it was a big hassle and made all kinds of demands until we finally were like "FORGET IT. ALSO, SCREW OFF." (only much nicer.)

Only to receive an email back saying that he felt the need to impress upon us that Army Boy get counseling because of his "life journey." Which is bullshit Mennonite-speak for "you joined the Army, I'm not ok with that. You got a divorce, I'm not ok with that either. You also got engaged after a year of dating, and i'm going to judge that as well."

ASS.HOLE. Everyone (in my family) advises we ignore him because he's just a jerk and wants to provoke a response or debate. I want to rip him a new asshole.

hamletsmistress said...

are you effing KIDDING me?? What an HONOR for you to have asked him and he comes back with that kind of crap?? I can't believe that. He should have jumped at the chance to marry you guys! ASS. HOLE only scratches the surface. Counseling for the both of you is a great idea before the wedding. we did it and it actually wasn't a waste of time, but for him to come at AB like that? unacceptable.

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