Ten things that will make your life better...

1.  At least once a day greet someone with the classic Jerry Seinfeld greeting... "Heeelllllllllo"  And if you can't hear it in your head, climb out from under the rock where you live and join the rest of us.

2.  When exiting to go somewhere, announce where you are going and then make the sound that was on the old Batman show after "To the Batcave!"  Do-dood-a-lee-doo!   "I'm going to lunch  Do-Dood-A-Lee-Do!"

3.  Quote Friends as often as possible...  because, obviously.

4.  Watch 1 episode of Family Guy a day...  just to ensure you laugh a little each day.

5.  Learn football and baseball.  If you learn them...  you learn to love them...  if you love them, you'll never have nothing to say in a group.   And for the love of God, root for your local team.

6.  Memorize The Princess Bride.  This will serve you well....  I promise.

7.  Pick some topic.  Any.  Learn everything you can about it.  Inside and out.  Then you're not just you...  you're the person that knows a butt-ton about (insert topic here).  This is especially effective if it's something unusual, but interesting.

8.  Learn to cook something fantastically well.  For the same reason above except with the food.  And unusual and tasty as opposed to interesting.

9.  Keep a clutter free home...  life...  desk... car.   It's liberating.

10.  Make something with your hands.  Pick something and either teach yourself or take a class.   Make things that stay.  It does the heart good.



Because I have no pride I will have prizes...

Update:  I feel I need to simplify this.  So here are the steps.

1.  A random day is generated each month.  The current month's date has already been randomly generated.

2.  The date is known to me.

3.  Comment, comment, comment on  any post.  Doesn't matter.  I can still tell the order.

4.  At the end of the month, in this case on 12/28/10 I will announce what the date was and also which comment was randomly generated as the winner.

5.  Prizes will be emailed out.  I will probably do all prizes via email as something that can be printed out and redeemed.  (Read Gift Certificates)

6.  Once the prize has been awarded, a new month will start.

7.  Rinse, Lather, Repeat.

You can skip reading what's below if this is your first time reading this post.  It says all the above in a much more confusing fashion.



Ok, so I have upwards of 50 visitor hits per day on this site and I have virtually no comments to show for it.  Comments are like crack to bloggers.  We just want to know there's SOMEONE out there.  Someone other than stupid comment bots with their "So happy to have found your site.  Your article was interesting and I think you would be interested in ABC site that has nothing to do with the post you wrote" comments.  They, obviously, don't count.

So, therefore, starting today one random day a month will be prize day.   I will put in dates from today until a month from today and randomly generate a winning day.  My post that day won't necessarily tell you that it's comment prize day unless it's a slow news day..  But once the day is picked and comments come in, I'll have the program randomly pick a comment and that person will get the prize.

So today is 11/28/2010.  Today I will put in 11/28/10 to 12/28/10 and get a date.   The comments can be on that day's post or any pther post.  I can still see the order no matter which post you comment on.  Once a winner has been generated I will let you know at the end of the month.  At which time I'll put in a new set of dates.


Any questions???

Like I said...  comments are like crack to bloggers and I'm jonesing for a fix.

*Prize values will vary but they won't suck.

*If this leads to any comment flooders, they'll be ineligibe.

Conversations of Married People

Upon driving down our road and turning into our driveway:

Husband: Oh, Reindeer.

Me:  What?  (looking around for neighbors' Christmas decorations and seeing none...)

Husband: Reindeer.

Me:  Oh my God, have you had a stroke?  What are you talking about??

Husband: It REINDEER!!  Today!!

Me:  (Upon realizing that "reindeer" sounds just like "rained here")  Oh yeah, it rained a little at work today, too.

Husband:  *blink*


Orlando bound in 2012!!

My husband gave me the news last night that the Delorean car show in 2012 is being held in Orlando.  ORLANDO!!!  And it's PERFECT timing.  My husband has never been there.  He's never gotten to hold Micky's hand or be twirled by Cinderella or get hugged by Chip and/or Dale.  And he needs to, ya'll.  He NEEDS to.  Never mind that in June of 2012 he'll be a month shy of 33.  And I'll be 34 and 1 month by then  (Gasp!) he NEEDS to before the world ends 6 months later... see?  Perfect timing.  I am determined to make sure we can afford to do it and therefore, starting in January of 2011 I will be saving $200 a month to pay for everything we will need.  That adds up to...  17 months at $200 a month...  $3400.  Ok, so that might not be totally enough, but I also get a substantial bonus in April and maybe, unless I find a better job or shoot myself in the head because I'm still at my current job, the NEXT April as well.  They usually are about $2400 after taxes.  And that???  Yeah, that's enough for two people to do whatever they darn well please in Orlando.  ORLANDO!!  Short of taking the heads off of one of the dressed up characters and traumatizing all kids under the age of 8 within a 50 yard radius.  THAT I don't think we'd be allowed to do.  Although it's totally a sadist dream of mine to do so.   Hmmmm....  maybe I shouldn't want kids so badly.

At any rate, along with the goal of having enough money to pay for the whole trip and taking the head off a dressed up character...  I also want to be able to go and walk around and see everything without having to stop all the time because my back and/or calves and/or knees and/or ankles hurt.   So yeah, that means I'm not going to be fat by then, either.   Which this actually might be attainable since I'm not going to have any extra money to buy, you know, food.  So I'm thinking two birds with one stone here.  Awesome!!

I'm already so excited about it.  And yes, we own a Delorean.  My husband is converting it to a Back to the Future II car.  Which, in and of itself is pretty badass.


[caption id="attachment_390" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="MICKEY!!!!!"][/caption]


We're going to go see Mickey!!  In Orlando.  ORLANDO!!!!!



Road Trip - Last Leg

We left Dallas on Thursday and started the trek to Arkansas to see one more person on our 3 visitation trip. 

Arkansas - You are beautiful.  We enjoyed you immensely.  Especially me as I did most of the driving that day.  But you do lend yourself to some odd dreams.  We woke up Friday morning in Harrison, AR and had the following conversation:

Husband:  I had some WEIRD dreams last night. 
Me:  Me, too!  I was chasing a serial killer all night. 
Husband:  I dreamt about these huge tall bridges and they were SO high and then they would just end and people were trying to turn around and there were 18 wheelers just stuck there.
Me:  The serial killer in my dream was Steve Carrell. 
Husband:  *blink*
Me:  I win.

So all day yesterday we drove... I drove...  and drove.   We finally decided to stop for dinner after hours upon hours.  In...   Indiana.   We ate and my husband took over driving.  It was about 10:15pm when we got back on the road.  We were intent on going another hour and a half and then stopping for the night.  And to that I have this to say:

Indiana - If you had no redeeming value to me before? Now, we are no longer on speaking terms again... ever. You see, we got on the road at 10:15pm. Approximately 4 minutes later, we stopped moving. Completely. Within 10 minutes all the truckers started turning their lights out because, you know, they KNOW. So we sat there... in Butt Crack Nowhere, Indiana. For an HOUR AND FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. And I hold you responsible for this, Indiana. Personally... or state-atorily responsible. Yes, the gentleman who crashed his 18 wheeler into a construction site is ULTIMATELY responsible. But I hold you responsible for his accident so the blame still lands squarely on your shoulders. Luckily for you I do not believe anyone was killed. The road wasn't closed nearly long enough for that to have been the case.
So at any rate... suck it, Indiana. I hate you.

Anyway... we are home.

*Just so I don't seem completely heartless....  we did check.  The driver ofthe truck was not seriously injured and the construction zone was not active at the time. *

Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains...

Yes, that's right.  Oklahoma.  I've been here since Sunday.  I'm leaving tomorrow.  Heading to Texas to see my friend and her 8 day old baby and then heading home.  We'll be home Saturday.

We didn't rent a car for this trip.  We took our own.  What?  You're surprised we drove?  From Pennsylvania?  I have a husband who doesn't fly.  We drive...  everywhere.  Oklahoma>  21.5 hours.  It was...  fun.

But my point is, normally we rent a car, but since my husband was needing to come here to pick up stuff for his DeLorean conversion to a Back to the Future II car, we took our wagon.  Thereby giving us no satellite radio.  We never rent a car without satellite radio.  Given the sheer length of trips we take, it's an absolute necessity.  But not this time.  Not on our longest drive ever.   We are also not iPod people.  Or CD people for that matter...  so the region by region hunt for radio stations was on.

So here we go...  the run-down.

From Southeastern PA to the Western border...  there was always a classic rock station to be found...  our genre of choice.  So PA?  Score.

West Virginia...  we were in you for roughly 20 minutes...  you get a pass since we only had to drive through your left pointy part near the top.

Ohio... we were on bad terms immediately given the fact that we drove through a BLIZZARD not more than 5 minutes into your blasted state.  And then?  The radio station horror was not to be borne.

Indiana...  my ex lives in Indiana.  You therefore have no redeeming value whatsoever.  But you do have a good classic rock station or two.

Illinois...  my husband insists on pronouncing you as you are spelled.  Supremely annoying.  And your radio selection isn't much better.  And the flatness.  Oh the flatness.  Could I get even a small mountain...  a hill?  A mound for the love of everything holy???

Missouri...  darkness had fallen by the time we hit your border and then drove halfway across you before stopping for the night in Springfield.  Radio station status?  A-ok with me and?  Great signal strength.  The stations we found had awesome staying power.

Oklahoma...  Between your weird turnpike with its refunds and the odd and obscure ways your drivers manage to have accidents and the road patching...  oh the road patching.  Radio stations were your only means to redemption...  and yet?  Out of approximately 40 stations around the Tulsa and OK City areas???  39 were country and 1 was Spanish...  and?  I think?  Also country.

So tomorrow we head to TX and then back home via a completely different route and one we've done before once we get to the northeast corner of Tennessee.  So that report will be forth-coming.

But yeah...  as it stands...  I've never been more convinced...  there's no place like home.

Plus?  I miss my animals.   Tons.



Also...  happy birthday to Miss Maddie Spohr.  You are not forgotten and you are forever cherished by those who knew you and loved you best and by those who love you via this box we sit in front of.  But it's all love and it keeps you with us.  So happy birthday, little girl, you are sorely missed.

Either you embrace the system or you don't...

I have been quite vexed by some of my fellow interweb acquaintances over the past 36 hours.   I will not name names as I do like these certain people and I would hate to exit their good graces.  But I feel the situation in general must be addressed.  Because of the vexing that I previously mentioned.

Yesterday twitter was literally besieged by talk of the election.  Rightly so, as it was an important one and record numbers turned out for this midterm.  Presidential elections always draw the crowds...  midterms, not so much.  I know here in Pennsylvania it was a big deal.  there was a Senatorial seat, several House seats and a Governorship up for grabs.  It's not the first time these positions have been on the chopping block, but I will admit this is the first time I have ever voted in a non-Presidential election.

There was as much up for grabs in other states as well, so obviously the chatter was to be expected.  What was not expected, by me, at least, was the spiteful nature of it all.  Do we not live in a democracy?  Is not the right to vote and have our ideals represented by those who we feel will best represent our best interests one of the greatest parts of this country?  I believe it is.  And while I have not always voted in every single election, knowing that this is the process our country is run on makes me very proud.  I don't have to fear being tortured, harassed or assaulted when I go to cast my vote.  There are numerous places, I'm sure I don't have to tell you, where this isn't the case.  Where voting is as dangerous as going to a drunken frat party dressed like a whore.   And yet, people in countries where that is the case value the right so much that they will risk whatever it takes to go cast their vote.  All we risk is losing some time while we stand in line.  Our country is beautiful in that regard and our election procedures should be held dear.

I wanted everyone to get out and vote yesterday.  EV-ER-Y-ONE.  And you know why?  Because I truly believe unless we all get out and vote we will not get the outcome that the majority wants.  And if we don't get the outcome that the majority wants...  then what's the point of holding elections at all?  I was saddened yesterday to see comments asking one political affiliation or another to "forget to vote" or saying "get out and vote unless you're (political party), then stay home".  What good is a REPRESENTATIVE government if it doesn't represent how the majority feels?

Was I happy when Bush "beat" Gore?  NO.   Was I happy when Bush beat Kerry?  NO.   Was I happy when Obama beat McCain?  YES.   At any time did I want people not to vote?  NO!!   Again....  NO.   And I feel that wanting people to stay home because you feel their views differ from yours AND you feel there might be SO MANY of those people out there that they might affect change is completely and decidedly un-American.

So the elections came and went, except for a few that I think are even still being decided...  and TODAY?  Today I daresay is worse than yesterday.  Because today the insults started.  The cries of calling people less than smart if they dared to disagree with one point of view or another.  You know what?  Yesterday displayed the best of what this country is.  And I'm not talking about the outcome in terms of political party, but just in the mere fact that many, very many people were apparently unhappy with how things are going and they were able to voice that and demonstrate it.  For all the complaining that the everyday person does regarding politics, the only time those people actually DO have a voice that matters is at election time.

Our ability in this country to effect change and have the chance to make opinions heard and make them matter is the very best of this country and I love it.  Win or lose, I love it.

If people disagree with you...  they are not stupid, feeble-minded or lacking mental faculties.  They're just people who happen to disagree.  And they probably have their reasons... just as you have yours.   How can we expect our government to cooperate and engage in productive discourse if we are not willing to do so ourselves?

You can't just love the system when you win...   Either you embrace democracy all the time or you don't embrace it at all.

A fattie's point of view...

Ok, so we all know by now that a ton (no pun intended) of drama has arisen due to the article by Maura Kelly that was done for Marie Claire about fat people. The outcry has been just stifling. This tells me a few things. One... non-overweight people who defend overweight people are awesome. Two... Overweight people are awesome. Three... there are far too many overweight people. I am one of them. So don't get me wrong. I'm not skinny minny Maura Kelly judging others. In fact that's not even what I want to talk about.

I more want to respond to this post by Aunt Becky about how fat people are treated. And yes, being fat, I know that we are treated differently by some people.  Those people?  They judge everyone for one thing or another.  I know the ideas that ARE out there about overweight people.   We are prejudged as being lazy, unclean and odoriferous. Yes. I know this. However, I truly believe that a lot of the prejudices that we feel are being unjustly levied... aren't really. Being levied, I mean. Not that they wouldn't be unjust if they WERE being levied, because they certainly would be.

I have always worried when going on a job interview about being fat and having that keep me from getting the job. It has never happened. I am always self-conscious about what I order in restaurants because I think people are looking. For the past year I've taken some time to look around and you know what? People aren't looking. Now before you start thinking that I'm only a little overweight and that's why I don't notice any backlash.. that is not the case. I am 100lbs overweight. I wear a size 20. I'm not a 14 or 16 that still looks fantastic even though I've got some chubba to spare. I am just fat.

I am completely self-conscious about my weight, don't get me wrong, but when I go out to stores... men do hold the door for me because 1. clearly they see me coming and 2. I'm looking at them as I walk up. There's no way for someone to look at you and then deliberately not hold the door. But if you're overweight and visibly self-conscious about it... like looking down when you walk... then it is easy to be ignored. Regardless of size. At store counters and registers... I LOOK at the clerk in their eyeballs and I've never had one deliberately NOT look back at me. When I smile, they smile back and I'm not all that attractive. I don't even have the "she's got such a pretty face" going for me... so that's not it either. It's confidence. Regardless of size, people have always been and always will be attracted to confidence.

Am I confident? No. But every time I'm out there and I act confident and in turn I'm not treated like "the fat girl" does it boost my confidence... absolutely.

I guess I'm saying all of this to say... don't act like the ashamed fat girl. Be proud of yourself even if you aren't happy with how you look and you want to change it... still be proud of yourself. Of the person you are inside. And it will shine through. You will be surprised how many of those slights that you see and feel everywhere now either fade away or were never there at all.

Trust me. We are not invisible. I think THAT much is obvious. :)

30 Days of Truth - Day 5

Something you hope to do in your life... 

Also easy.   I hope to be a mom.  It is my deepest desire.  When I was 23 I had a procedure called a Uterine Artery Embolisation.  I had this because I had a fibroid tumor the size of an orange in my uterus and it wasn't really IN my uterus or OUTSIDE my uterus...  it went from the inside to the outside.  Meaning if I had surgery to remove it, a hole would have been left in my uterus.  A big one.  It would have healed, of course, but that part of the uterus would have forever been weakened and my lady doctor told me that she'd had two patients who had lost late-term pregnancies who'd had that type of tumor removed and she wasn't going for three.  If I wanted it removed, then when I got pregnant someday I'd have to find another doctor.  Now I love my doctor, so I wanted to know other options and one of them was a UAE.  Not many had been done, but at that time all of them that had been done in the US had been done by the same Dr. and he happened to be in Philly.  Which is great because I'm pretty much there.   So, long story short, I had the surgery...  it was successful and my tumor is roughly the size of a ping-pong ball down from an orange.  Not bad.   But I will have complications with pregnancy and I will need to deliver by C-Section if and when the time comes.

All that being said...  here I am at 32 childless because we can't right now.  There's nowhere in our home to put one.  Our house is TINY.  So, now I'm getting older...  so my risks are going up, at least marginally, each year AND I have the risks the UAE contributed.  So I do fear that my greatest desire to be a mother will never be fulfilled.  

So that's that.  I'm terrified I'll never get to be a mom.  I hope... I HOPE...  to be a mother.

30 Days of Truth - Day 4

Something I have to forgive someone else for...

I know to forgive is divine, and I do believe that forgiveness does not need to be asked for in order to be given.  That said, I am not without my things that just have not been able to bring myself to forgive some people for.

I feel the biggest of these, because it includes family, is my aunt.  My mom's sister - for not attending my wedding.  It crushed me.  It crushed my mom.  To this day I don't understand it and I think that is what is keeping me from getting past the bitter to a place of forgiveness.  I do not need my aunt to ask forgiveness...  but I need to understand why.  and I cannot bring myself to ask her.  I just can't.  It changed how I see her.  Forever.


A little Halloween trick...

Man stabbed on Halloween by person in Gorilla suit.

In the gorilla's defense... the man came to the door dressed as a poacher.

Oh, come on. That's FUNNY! The guy didn't DIE for chrissake!