I read a lot of blogs regularly. A few of the people that write them I've gotten to know. Most? Not at all. The thing that has been weighing on my mind lately is that I read these blogs... I care what these people have to say and care about what's going on in their lives. Meanwhile, they don't know me from a hole in the ground and probably don't really give a hoot about what's going on in my life. That's understandable. Why should they, you know? I am no great writer. The things I say aren't particularly engaging, witty, thought-provoking and, really... most time? Interesting. So why should they know me or know what I have going on. Yet, by the same token... sometimes I want to reach out to these people and actually have them CARE about what I have to say to them. Rather than being one of 85 comments or a single email out of hundreds. I want it to matter that I have thoughts about their life. I mean, I feel like I KNOW them. And I know lots of bloggers hold back the most personal stuff. So while I feel like I know them... I really don't. That being said... I want to comment here about some of what they've been saying. So here goes.
To this blogger (and her husband) - You don't know me... well, the husband does just a little. He knows me as the girl whose husband is converting his Delorean into a Back to the Future Delorean. But that's about as far as it goes. I've been noticing something about your writing... both of you. Feelings of guilt, regret, anger at yourselves, seem to be plaguing you a bit more lately. Namely this post and this one... they broke my heart into a million little pieces. There is no way you guys could have known what was coming. It's the unspeakable... the unimaginable. A nightmare that you can't wake up from and that even the brightest sunshine can't drive away. And this isn't to say I don't understand your feelings. I mean, not completely because I think your feelings are ones that no one can understand unless they've been through the same thing. But though you don't know me... I love you guys and while I know that you will always grieve your daughter and that pain will never ever subside... she's in everything you are... the feelings of regret and guilt and self-anger... please don't let them take over. Would you have done things different if you'd known? Of course. But you just can't let yourself feel that additional pain of guilt for something you had no control over and no way to know was coming. It's like saying if I knew my grandfather was going to kill himself this past November, I wouldn't have cut that last visit short and went home early so I didn't miss whatever it was I wanted to watch that night. And I don't remember what it was. It was so unimportant that I don't even know what it WAS that made me leave early. But I did. I could NOT have known that it would be the last time I'd see him alive... or at all actually... his funeral was a closed casket (obviously) and I never saw him again after that night that I HAD to leave to watch my show. It's those things that we can't even fathom of. And can't beat ourselves up over. You will always grieve... but release the guilt.
To this blogger - I just want to let you know that if I don't have time to read any other posts on any particular day from any other blog... I read yours. I adore your family. I think your wit is beyond measure and your stories of being a mom and a wife bring joy to my heart and make me want to be a mom. The post you wrote yesterday had me in tears and ones like this and this just make me laugh and I love it. I love you and your family. If you've written a post today. I'll have read it before I lay my head down tonight to sleep. You are a wonderful individual, you life should be a TV show that doesn't get cancelled once I get interested. And your outlook should be inspiring.
And to this one - Like I said... I read a lot of blogs. Yours makes me FEEL more than any other I read. Your words convey your feelings in a way that some days leaves me filled with joy and others... completely devastated. Like yesterday's that made me shed tears for a woman I didn't know, but cared about because YOU cared about her. You have such an honest way about you and it constantly draws me in and makes me want to read more. There was a brief time when I took a step back from blogs. Thinking maybe I needed to focus more on living my life than reading about others doing it. Until I realized that I AM living my life the way I want and I'm happy, my husband is happy and my animals are happy and so be it... but in that BRIEF time I came back and BAM! You were pregnant again and had all this other news and I missed it just by being gone for just a little bit. All of your posts matter. I envy that. I really do.
And there's so many more. Maybe I'll make this something I do every once in awhile... because just of the top of my head I've missed you and you among others.
And if I know you enough that I've communicated with you outside of my blog... or expect to... Jess... then you won't ever see yourselves here. I feel I know you well enough that if I want to say something... I'll just say it. And that means I also feel I know you well enough that you won't just gloss over my email and let it blend with all the others. And thank you for that. :)
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15 comments:
I think that you're witty and engaging. :) We've been blogging together since the beginning and you've come SO FAR (BBT? Awesomeness!)... you have alot to be proud of, and I know that the bloggers you mention appreciate your genuine feelings for them as well. :)
You, my dear txtingmrdarcy, are one of the bloggers mentioned at the end that won't be featured in my "you don't know me but..." posts. You know I absolutely adore you. And I know you'll always read my emails. :)
And thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot. I'm coming up on 1 year with HM next month... which is crazy!! Of course I think we met in my Extraordinarily Ordinary days. :)
This was so true. How many times have we heard just one comment from someone because of linking up to another blog, or have left just one comment for the same reason, but never return? Or return and feel like it's only one sided and empty. This was a great read. I think this is a great idea to do more often!
Your words mean the absolute world to me and brought me joy and tears. Thank you so much for taking the time to share.
Wishing you the greatest day.
I know it's easy to get overwhelmed by all the people on the Internet, especially when we so often pass each other without the luxury of seeing each other with the ability to stop and really talk, but I can say that your name and your image is one that I know, and one that brings me comfort amidst all the faceless names and nameless faces.
I agree with everything you said about those lovely ladies up there aside from what you said about yourself. What you say does matter...and I do so hope you'll keep saying it.
xoxo
I probably will. I liked doing it. Glad you liked it!!
Thank YOU for writing the way you do. And for coming by. :)
That means a lot. Thank you so much. Really.
I think you summed up the conundrum of blogging/commenting perfectly. There is a feeling of intimacy there, but at the same time such a level of disconnect. This is a wonderful post, Amy. And, for what it's worth, I think you're a great writer. I really enjoy reading your posts and am very glad that BB2G brought you into my life!! :)
Aw, thanks, Cathi. I think you are a phenomenal lady and I'm very glad that BB2G brought us together as well. :)
Loved this...and dare I say thank you? :)
Blogs, their authors and those who become "involved" with their story....it's all such an interesting dynamic. No one knows what kind of blog will impact what type of person. Just my two cents.
You know, I've had this exact post bookmarked for days.
I read it on my phone in the Doctor's office waiting room, and my face got warm and I was so...incredibly honored,flattered, so many things.
But you need to know, what you have to say, has worth. And know that this has added value to my life.
You have added value to my life.
Thank you. :) I appreciate you taking some time to let me know.
It is interesting and weird and all kinds of stuff at the same time.
And you're welcome. :)
Just FYI - Brittany is sorta kind of awesome. I have never met her in person but I have "talked" back and forth with her every since I found her. On Twitter. On my blog. On her blog. She is the same exact person in those places as when you read her blog. Like I said...She is sorta kind of awesome.
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